joysofdickandjune

Archive for November, 2010|Monthly archive page

This is a “BIG” Smile Day!!

In Political on November 13, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Adam Got Eve — At a Bargain Price!

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, ‘What’s wrong with you?’

Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

and that it would be a woman.

He said, ‘This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

‘She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and

passion whenever you need it.’

Adam asked God, ‘What will a woman like this cost?’

God replied, ‘An arm and a leg.’

Then Adam asked, ‘What can I get for a rib?’

Of course the rest is history…………!!!!

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A poem for you

Another year has passed

And we’re all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter

And winter seems much colder.

There was a time, not long ago

When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand

About “living in the past”.

We used to go to weddings,

Football games and lunches.

Now we go to funeral homes,

And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,

From parties that were gay.

Now we suffer body aches

And wile the night away.

We used to go out dining,

And couldn’t get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags,

Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel

to places near and far.

Now we get sore asses

From riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs

And drink a little booze,

Now we stay home at night

And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,

And now my tale is told.

So, enjoy each day and live it up…

before you’re too damn old !

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A wife came home early after visiting her mother several States away

and found her husband in bed making passionate love to a girl.

Out Of this House, she yelled.,and never come back here again!

Wait, he asked and hear my side of the story!

I was on my way home from work, when I noticed this women.

She had no home to go to and no one to help her.

I noticed that she was very thin, not welldressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home

and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you

last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll

put on weight.  The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested

a shower, and while she was doing that, I

noticed her clothes were dirty and full of

holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her

the designer jeans that you have had for a few years,

but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was

your anniversary present, which you don’t

wear because I don’t have good taste..

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you

for Christmas that you don’t wear just to

annoy her, and I also donated those boots

you bought at the expensive boutique and

don’t wear because someone at work has

a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful

for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned

to me with tears in her eyes and said,’Please … Do you have anything else that

your wife doesn’t use?

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1) Don’t Swear At Other Drivers!

Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way.  Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted ‘Pig’.  The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie.  Then his car hit the pig.

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A youg couple got married and went on their honey moon. When they

got back the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well,” said her mother,”so how was the honeymoon”

‘Oh, mama,”she replied,’the honeymoon was wonderfull! So romanic!”

Suddenly she burst out crying. “But ,mama as soon as we returned,

Sam started using the most horrible language–things I’d never heard

before!  I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You have to take me

home…Please”.

“Sarah,Sarah,” her mother said,”calm down! You need to stay with your

husband and work this out. Now, tell me.what could be so awful? WHAT

4-letter words?””Please don’t make me tell you mama,”I’m so

embarrassed, they’re just too awful!! PLEASE COME AND GET ME!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother

these horrible 4-letter words.

sobbing,the bride said,”Oh Mama….he used words like: dust, wash, iron,

and cook..”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” said the mother.

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