joysofdickandjune

Something that might amuse you!

In Humor, Uncategorized on March 12, 2011 at 1:11 am

Subject: Word meanings -Male & Female

Subject:  Word meanings -Male & Female

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female….. Any part under a car’s hood.

Male…. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.

Male…. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.

Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4.. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female… A desire to get married and raise a family.

Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female… An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male… A device for scann ing through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said . . . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.

She said . . . You wear pants don’t you?

He said . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said . . We don’t know; it has never happened.

He said . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?

She said . . They already have boyfriends.

He said…What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?

She said . . . A widow.

He said . . Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said . . Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to

bed.  Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge

A guy is driving around the back woods of

Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a

broken down shanty-style house:

“Talking Dog for Sale .”

He rings the bell and the owner appears

and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking

labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.  I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services …the

United States Marines ..you know one of their nicknames is “The Devil Dogs”.  In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.  I was one of their most valuable spies for  eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger.  So, I decided to settle down.  I retired from the Corps

(8 dog years  is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.  I got married, had  a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed.  He goes  back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars?  This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar.  He never did any of that stuff.

He was in the Air Force.

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